Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
