Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
