How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Randomize
