We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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