Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
