Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
