Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
