So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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