so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
so much tequila, so little girl.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
