I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
