I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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