Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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