I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
