You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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