I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just want to make out with him forever
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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