Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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