an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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