thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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