i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
