my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
