two words: eviction party
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
