he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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