I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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