I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize