I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
