You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
