from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
