the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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