its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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