Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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