took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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