I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
