So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
