Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
