i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
