my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
