you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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