I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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