i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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