He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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