pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
