Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
