I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
