You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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