Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
