Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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