My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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