The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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