I smell stomach acid.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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