Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
