that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
