is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
