roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
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