Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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