How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize