Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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