Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
