This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
