my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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