I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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