why didn't you poke me back
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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