The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
