Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
