Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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