Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
