ugly people sure do ruin things
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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