happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
