He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
