Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
