I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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