am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
