I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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