Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
